while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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