I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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