Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
