Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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