oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Randomize
