Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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