just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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