You just made me feel so damn special
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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