She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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