He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
