your room smells of hookers.
And success
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
