Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
