there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
