Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
