I cockslap morals
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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