Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
