Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
