I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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