Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
