is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
