she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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