you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
