very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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