to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
