I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
