Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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