:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
