i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
