just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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