My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize