when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
