It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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