look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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