She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
