Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
