I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
