I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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