I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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