I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize