YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
