I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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