you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
