Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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