I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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