my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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