Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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