i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm too high and old for this...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
