True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He kissed a someone with a penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize