i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
