Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
