He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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