Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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