hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
