my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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