K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
