I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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