So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize