i just had sex bonerless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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