My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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