So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize