the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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