If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize