I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
