wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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