I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
