You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
