So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Panties = found
Randomize
