There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
