Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
