Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize